Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Phone chat with Sandy

Hi to all out there in blogland. Well, I certainly have fulfilled my plan of making good use of my three days off this week. In fact, if anything I may have OVERdone things because I am certainly very tired tonight, but it's all good. I got my housework and washing done. I got all my plants re-potted, hopefully without any casualties but we'll see in a few days. :) I went to see my doctor today about my knee and neither the X-ray nor the ultrasound showed up anything beyond a little bit of arthritis, which you would expect at my age. I also had a couple of sun damage spots on my right cheek checked (these are from driving, having that side of your face in the sun) and the decision's been made to having them frozen off. God knows I don't really have any reason to be vain but I don't really like having them there even if they are harmless (and we're not 100 percent sure yet that they are, although they will probably only be BCCs if they are anything).

The other important thing I did today was to have a phone chat with Sandy from Mindwise Bodywise, who is just lovely. It was good to be able to be honest about how I've been feeling re my weight loss efforts lately and how I've come to the conclusion that since every conventional thing I've tried has (eventually) failed, if I am EVER going to do this it will require some serious lateral thinking and a whole new approach to eating. This is why I believe she can help me. We've agreed that I need to begin the eight week course from scratch because I got so badly derailed by my misadventures at what I now call Bulls*** Court (Bishop Court). Some of what I learnt so far has been useful but I need to put it all together better. Sandy said I need to get out of my perfectionist mentality where I feel if I don't do something perfectly or "properly", I just don't do it at all. What I'm trying to do is something at which I really can't fail because it's all a learning experience. I'm sure I'll fail at times and get it wrong, but I need to be gentle with myself about it because I've certainly spent a hell of a long time doing the opposite of what I probably needed to be doing with food. What I'm trying to do is best expressed from a line in my favourite poem/piece of philosophy i.e. 'Desiderata'

"Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself."

"Wholesome discipline" is exactly what I'm aiming for because it suggests doing something for yourself out of love, not out of hate. I don't think I've ever begun any weight loss plan without feeling disgust with myself, hating myself and wanting to beat myself to a pulp because I was such a terrible person, not being able to control myself with food. Jeez, no wonder I've never managed to do it permanently. How could I when I've never done the internal work to go with the external work. You don't go to so much trouble for a person you hate and loathe, do you? It sounds so easy when I say it but, as I've admitted, the insight I seem to have into the whole weight loss/weight gain cycle never seems to do me much good. *wry smile*

Anyway, that's me done for the day. I will blog again tomorrow night. I'm going to see how I go on my Mindwise Bodywise restart. Wish me luck! x


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    1. Good luck with your restart with Sandy. I still struggle when I look in the mirror (with minimal clothes on - or none at all) to actually like/love what I see but I am trying, however I do understand the principle. Look forward to reading about your progress.